The Chronicles of Sam Puckett
by LyricLover8787
Summary: First Chapter:It's three o'clock in the morning and Sam wants root beer and will stop at nothing to get it!Second Chapter: Sam's mom has got a boyfriend and Sam isn't too happy about that! Will be a third chapter! In Sam Puckett's point of view
1. Chapter 1

"Carly

"Carly! Carly! Wake up Carly! Hello?"

"Go away," grunts Carly as she places the nearest pillow on the couch over her head.

"But it's an emergency!" It really isn't I'm just saying that to wake her up.

"What. What is it Sam?" I have to strain myself from laughing as she sits up because her hair is all messed up and she's still half asleep on the couch.

"Your brother……,"

"I'm listening!" she shouts.

Your brother said………,"

"What did he say?"

"He said that you……,"

"Me?"

"He said that you are out of root beer!"

"Is that you woke me up? It's three o'clock in the morning and you wake me up because we are out of root beer?"

"Well kind of. And the other part of it was I can't sleep."

"Wait a second; we had two big bottles of root beer next to the fridge."

"Well, I drank them!" I was thirsty, and a girl's got to have her pop!

"No wonder you can't get to sleep! You're full of caffeine!"

"Well, I don't care root beer is good and you need more!"

"I am not going to get up and buy root beer at three o'clock in the morning!"

I look around the room. I see Freddie left his wallet next to Spencer's Japanese lamp.

"Hey look! Fredward left his wallet here," I open it and see two twenty dollar bills," and there's forty bucks in it!" I stick my hand in the wallet and dig out the cash, and a piece of gum. I un-wrap the gum and stick it in my mouth. I go to put the money in my pocket.

"Sam, that's not yours! Put it back!" Carly says. I'll listen for the time being and put the money back in the wallet.

"Okay, okay; but I would be able to think more clearly if I had more root beer in my system." That probably wasn't true, but who cares?

"Just because there is a twenty-four hour convenient store across the street does not mean-"

"OMG! There is? Oh, I totally forgot! I got to go Carly," I shout as I jump up and head for the door from the couch.

"What money will you but it with?"

I hadn't thought about that. Ah, Freddie's wallet! I spin around and snatch it and bolt out the door." Sam! Bring that back!"

"NO!"

"Good ole' Sam"

I didn't care I left the door open, I just wanted my root beer. I also didn't care that as I left Freddie poked his head out and saw me running down the hall with his wallet in my hand.

He walked across the hall to Carly's apartment and I could here him saying, "She took my wallet, didn't she?"

"The girl likes her root beer!" Carly responded. Now with an answer like that I know she's my best friend.

The next morning I was woken up by Carly and Freddie shouting in my face." Sam! Sam wake up! It's 2:30 in the afternoon! Sam!"

I act like I'm still asleep. Then I moved my hand to the right and it hits something. I open my eyes. It's a root beer bottle. I sit up and look around me. There are probably about six root beer bottles around me.

"You were thirsty last night weren't you?" says Carly.

"How much did you buy?" asked Freddie.

"Well," I said, "forty dollars can buy a lot!"

"How much did she take?" asked Freddie as Carly picks the wallet up off the floor.

"Not too much. She left you with a twenty." says Carly amusingly.

"It's not funny!"

"Well, that Spiderman wallet you own sure is!" I say, looking at the actual wallet for the first time.

"Real mature," snaps Freddie as he snatches the wallet out of Carly's hand.

Carly turns to me." What time did you go to sleep last night?"

Well, after I drank all the root beer I got hungry so I ate that left over pasta salad in your fridge, and I think I fell asleep at, about eight thirty in the morning?"

"Whoa, hold up!"

"What?" I ask curiously.

"Did you eat ALL the pasta salad?"

"No, I did not eat the whole thing; I only ate about ¾ of it!"

"Well good because Spencer loves that stuff!"

"I know!" I shout!

"How do you know this?" asks Freddie.

" Well, I was up last night, as you both know and I could here something coming from Spencer's room, so I went over to his room and could here him yelling in his sleep 'No! Not the pasta salad! Spare it! Take me instead! NO!' "

Carly and Freddie start laughing, so I do too.

"He really said that?" asks Carly.

"Just the way I explained it to you!"

Just then Spencer walks in the room. We all begin to giggle.

He says" I had the weirdest dream last night," as he walks over to the refrigerator.

"We know!" Freddie shouts as we all begin to laugh hysterically.

Spencer walks over to the fridge. "Are you guys okay?"

We give him the thumbs up, because we really can't talk as we roll on the floor laughing.

"Well, I had a dream that someone ate almost all my pasta salad," he says as he opens the refrigerator. He looks at us. "Really it's true! Thank god that's never happened before in real life because I would be-" he looks into the fridge and screams. "Who ate my pasta salad? Who ate it?"

I sink down low onto the floor. I know he knows it's me.

"Who ate it?! I want to know! Sam I know it was you!"

Just then he falls onto his knees and starts crying.

"Hey, Spence, I'm sorry! I've got twenty bucks and I'll run across the street and buy you some more!"

"You will?" He looks up like a five year old with a hopeful look on his face.

"Yes, I will." I say as I walk towards the door.

"You don't have twenty bucks Sam." Carly points out.

"Yeah, but Freddie does!" I run over to Freddie grab the wallet out of his hand, and push him to the ground so he won't chase after me. I bolt to the door and race down the hall. If you think of me as a bad person for doing this, well tough nubs! I am doing a good deed for Spencer AND a good deed for Freddie; I'm cleaning out his wallet.

**I hope you liked it and if you did review it so I can write more!**


	2. Chapter 2

This story occurs about one week after Chapter 1

**This story occurs about one week after Chapter 1. Hope you like it, even though it is kind of random and severely long, only 4, 260 words!**

**Chapter 2**

"Hello? Ding dong? I'm coming in anyway!"

"Wow, thanks for knocking, Sam," says the familiar voice of the brown eyed girl who owns the fridge I eat out of.

"Hey! I have a good reason for barging in on you!" I do, trust me.

"You barge even when you have no reason!"

"Well, now I'm barging with a reason, so there's a first for everything! As long as I'm not at home I'm fine!"

"Well, I guess I should listen to your _reason_ now. But first, what's wrong at home? Did your mom buy a new bikini? Is it worse than the last one?"

"I don't anything can be worse than that last one!"

When my mom buys a new bikini she has a habit of wearing it around the house to break it in; last time it was a thong bikini. Uh, I can't even think about it about it without gagging. I got home from school one day, and five minutes later I was out the door with 3 days worth of clothes. I spent the next three days at Carly's house. Anyway, that's not the case.

"My mom has got a _boyfriend._"

"Isn't this like, her first boyfriend since the divorce?"

I sigh one of those flashback sighs.

"I remember that day," I sigh again, remembering, "but now that I think of it I realize how smart my dad was."

"Why?"

"He made the best decision of his life! Who would want to spend the rest of their lives with my mom! I don't even! The only thing that keeps me going is the day I move out, even if it is to jail; why do you think I spend so much time at your place?"

"I thought it was because I'm your_ bestest_ friend and you love me." Carly fake frowns and puts her head down.

"You are my bestest friend in the world! Don't worry! I do love you! But my mom is dating again and the dude she's dating is a total nub! And when I say nub I mean the _nubbiest_!"

"Sam, he can't be that bad!"

"Do you know what his name is?"

"Uh, no; why would-"

"His name is Eugene! I don't want a dad named Eugene!"

"Whoa," Spencer says as he exits his bedroom, "Sam's mom is getting married?"

"No!" I bark, "At least I hope not! Dear God! Don't let her marry him!"

I fall down on my knees and pray up to the sky. I stand up and face Spencer.

"He is probably_ the_ nubbiest guy on the planet; even worse than Fredward!"

"I heard that!" Freddie yells as he walks through the front door of the Shay's apartment.

"Has anyone ever heard of this thing called knocking!" exclaims Carly.

I ignore her and so does Freddo. I notice Spencer is in the kitchen now snatching spices, herbs and oils out of the cabinets. Yummy.

"Yo, Spence, what's cooking?"

"Just some severely expensive steaks, that you will not get your greedy little hands on; especially after what you did with my pasta salad last week! Anyway, none of you are getting as much as a bite!" He looks so dorky in his little apron.

"Than who are they for?" I want those steaks _so_ badly!

"Spencer has a date tonight," reports Carly," with a girl."

"Oh! Spencer's got a date; with whom?" asks Freddie.

"Let me guess," I say, "with some one who's not my mom because my mom not single anymore thanks to that nerdy Eugene!" I collapse on to Carly.

"Oh, Sam," Carly says to me reassuringly, "he can't be that bad!"

"Well you haven't met the dude have you?"

"What are you going to do? I mean, knowing you, you'll do horrible things to a person you don't like," says Freddie as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Yes, you would know that wouldn't you, Freddo?" I glare at him, and he glares back. I was going to punch him, but Carly stopped me.

"Now, come on Sam; wouldn't you rather be taking your anger out on _Eugene_?"

She's right and I know it.

"Hey, I'm working on it! And you are both going to be part of my plan!" I will probably need them both.

"Whoa! I want to meet the guy first!" Carly says.

"I do too!" How like Freddie to agree with everything Carly says.

"He's coming over for tacos which I get none of tonight so you guys can meet him. But, we can't be there during the date. We have to be up stairs. Still, we can watch them!"

"Wait! You said we'd be upstairs and we could watch them! Don't you live in an apartment too?"

"Carly," I put my hand around her; "do you remember that drill that my mom has no idea I have?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, I discovered it works really well when you making peepholes on the floor."

"That is so like you!" Freddie says.

"Do you know what else is like me?"

Freddie takes a step back.

"Step away from the boy!" I listen to Carly and step away from the nub.

"Good! You guys will be out of here during my date with," Spencer pauses, "a girl."

"Oh! Come on! Just tell us who it is!"

"You wouldn't know her."

We all stare at him and put the pressure on. Then, he cracks.

"Oh! Okay! I hate it when you guys do this! Her name is Kathleen Ubridge; I met her at the pet store.

"What were you doing at the pet store?" Carly asks suspiciously.

"Seeing if the had penguins for sale," he admits as he lowers his head.

"And did you find any?" Freddie asks.

"No," Spencer admits.

"Well, I would think!" I shout.

"Why were you looking for penguins?"

"Because they're cool," says Spencer, who is beginning to perk up a bit.

"Does Kathleen like penguins?" I ask.

"Wow! Look at the time," says Spencer trying to change the subject, "You guys got to get going!"

He begins herding us toward the door, "Have fun at Sam's house!"

"But my house is three miles away! And we have no money for the bus!"

He reaches in his pocket pulls everything out of his pocket and slams it in Carly's home.

"Bye!" he says as he slams the door in our face.

"Well then, his pocket contents are useful! A quarter, two dimes, seven ski ball tickets and a miniature picture of some girl in a bikini.

"Whoa! I want that picture," says Freddie as he snatches the hot bikini girl picture out of Carly's hand.

"You can have it! Right now we have a bigger problem! Does any one have any money for the bus?"

"I know I don't! I only brought one token for me and I don't carry money around," I turn to Freddie, "but I know other people do," I whisper to Carly. I point to Freddie. She nods. She knows what to do.

"Hey Freddie," she says in her extra flirty voice, "you don't happen to have a money on you do you?"

His hand flies to his front pocket, where he always keeps his wallet.

"I do," he says suspiciously.

"Well, could _we_ borrow it for the bus? It's only a couple of bucks," she says as she bats he black eyelashes at Fredward.

"No! I'm almost flat broke because of certain pasta salad and root beer episode last week!"

"Please?" She puts on her puppy dog face, "Do it for me?" I don't bother to because Freddie isn't _in love_ with me, even though sometimes I wish he was. Shhh!

"Oh, okay!"

Freddie begins digging into his front pocket as Carly winks at me.

We begin to walk down to the bus stop outside and start a conversation about penguins and what would happen if Spencer actually bought a penguin.

"Remember what happened with his fish? Didn't he have like, three different in one week? I can only imagine what would happen if Spence forgot to feed a penguin. Do you think it would attack him?"

"Uh, Sam, I don't think it's possible to have a penguin as a pet, they're wild animals and you'd have to keep your apartment would have to be kept at extreme frigidity which would cause the penguin's well being to increase as your well being decrease's because of the lack of heat."

"Freddie, why do you always have to be so technical? Can't you just say if penguin were here it would be cold, which is bad for us, so Sam can actually understand?"

"Yeah Freddie, don't use words I can't understand!"

I loom at my watch; its 5:03 and my mom's date starts at 6:00. It's so weird hearing my mom's name in a sentence with the word date without the word _no_ or _not_.

"Guys, let's get a move on! We have to be there before the date starts so you can meet him!"

"Why do we have to be there before the date starts? I wanted to get a smoothie," says Freddie as we pass the Groovy Smoothie.

"No smoothies! We have to get a move on!"

"But Sam," Carly says as we jog towards the bus stop, "We have almost an hour to get to your house that's only six miles away! What's the rush?"

I can see the bus coming up the street, and I dig into my pocket trying to find the bus token I brought along.

"My mom thinks I'm out buying taco supplies," I say as I jump up on the bus and deposit the token.

"Does your mom ever leave her apartment?" Freddie asks.

"She hasn't in three weeks, so you could take that as a no. I have to buy _everything_ for her, and Carly, when I say everything, I mean _everything_!" She stares at me, and then has a look of understanding on her face and nods at me.

"Huh?" Freddie says puzzled.

"Freddie, just drop it."

We get on the bus and go silent. It's weird talking on a bus because there are so many people that could hear your conversation, also because of who's sitting at the back of the bus, eating salami.

Things like 'What is he doing?' and 'How did he afford the salami' and 'How is he eating that without any teeth?' were exchanged between all of us. Luckily the hobo got off a stop before we do, so I know he isn't lurking around in my neighborhood.

We got off at my stop, but took a detour to Helen's Mini Mart that's across the street from my apartment. I'm _supposed_ to get taco meat, shells, and sauce lettuce, cheese and salsa; but my mom doesn't have to know I've added a few extra items to the list, including fast acting laxatives and an assortment of other interesting items that will be used eventually.

After I pay up with the money my mom got from who knows where, I'm about to leave when I remember I brought Carly and Freddie along. There probably in some random isle waiting for me to come get them. But, I don't feel like it.

I wait around the register and act like I'm looking for gum. There's only one register here and only one employee up front. When the guy with the nametag 'Jerry' leaves the counter because he's got better things to do, I jump over and find the intercom thingy.

"The owner of the blue Volvo parked in front of the store, you left your lights on." That was fun! I know they'll recognize my voice before 'Jerry' comes back to the counter; and sure enough they do.

"Sam! Why couldn't you just come get us! I saw some dude that works here hear you and he's coming this way!" I honestly don't care when Carly scolds me; or when ever some on does for that matter.

"Well, I didn't want to come and look for you!" I say as we scurry out the front door.

"We told you that we'd be in the card section reading funny cards," Freddie points out, stupidly, "and the store is not that big! It would take you less than a minute to find us!"

"Yeah, well I come from a family of lazy people; don't blame me blame genetics."

"Sam, that's the most scientific word I've heard you use since you said atom in fifth grade."

"Well, that's the biggest word you're getting out of me for another three years," I say as we walk across the cross walk and into my building.

Now my apartment building isn't much. It's smaller than Carly's and the lobby smells like cats thanks to Ms. Spurgum who feels the urge to walk her seven cats around the building every Thursday and Sunday. I live on the third floor in room 306 with my mother and our guinea pig, which died three weeks ago and my mom just doesn't want to think that. She still feeds it too even though she knows it's dead. It must be a letting go thing. Anyway, the lobby desk employee is much nicer than Lubert, but that's probably because mine doesn't speak. His name is Andy and the last words I heard him say were 'thank you' to the owner of the building, Mr. Fibbler after he landed the job here four years ago.

Carly walks casually through the lobby to the elevator while Freddie looks around in disgust. I forgot he's never been here before.

"You live here?" He says with displeasure.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" I take a step toward him. He backs away.

"Uh…..well…..no. It's….it's…… beautiful?"

"Thank you! Now come on," I say as I get on the elevator.

We are all silent until we reach my apartment, which is nothing, much. I could tell Freddie didn't like it one bit, but he didn't say anything. Smart boy.

"Where's your mom, Sam?"

"She's probably upstairs fixing up here makeup. It takes her about an hour to get ready and when she comes down she looks exactly the same as before."

"Does she know that?"

"Probably! Mom I'm home!" I shout so she can here upstairs. I don't even care if I wake up Mrs. Bruolle today during her mid-afternoon nap. Lord knows she had a good night's rest, a good pre-breakfast nap, a nice mid-morning doze, and how ever many naps she takes during the day. She spends at least eleven out of the twelve hours of day time sleeping.

"Okay Sam! Now let me do my make-up!" We all hear coming from upstairs in a raspy and angry voice.

"Now I see where you get it from," says Freddie. I glare at him as I put the taco stuff down on the counter.

I start to go upstairs with my bag of stuff around my arm when Carly says," Aren't you going to put the rest of it down?"

"This? This isn't taco stuff."

We are up in my room after I set up the dinner my mom is having. Little does she know I put fast acting laxative in the organic meat that Eugene loves so much and that I positioned my mom's favorite area rug outside the bathroom door. Anyway, I don't feel like describing my room to you because my attention span isn't long enough. Right now it's a pit and I'm pretty sure Freddie noticed and Carly just doesn't care.

"Wow, it's so Sam in here?" says Freddie looking around.

"Yeah, well welcome to my heaven," I say looking at the month old burrito and half eaten pudding on the floor.

"What time is it, Sam?"

"Do you have a watch Carly? Because I think my clock is somewhere under my bed and that is not a pleasant place to look!" Freddie looks under my bed. He comes back up gagging.

"Oh, right I do. It's almost 6:00. Shouldn't we get downstairs before-" the doorbell rings, interrupting her.

"Yes, we should get down there, now. Come on Freddo," I say as I grab him by the collar of his shirt. He's probably still nauseous from looking under my bed; I think that's where my dead cat is, and he's been rotting for a while now.

We run down the stairs and I direct Carly and Freddie to sit down on the steps, "You don't want to get to close to this guy, you might catch the disease of the nerdy! But we all know Freddie already has it!"

Freddie kicks my shin, Carly giggles.

My mom runs over to the door putting on her last earring. She's wearing her usual grubby clothes but with makeup and jewelry, and it looks like she might have washed her clothes! That's a first.

"Eugene! How are you?" says my mom kissing Eugene on the cheek. Gross!

"I'm good how about you?"

"I'm fine." My mom steps out of the way and gives Carly, Freddie and I a plain view of Eugene. He's wearing plain gray suspenders with a plaid shirt on and sensible shoes. His glasses are big and wide, like Harry Potter. Carly and Freddie both have a look of confusion on their faces.

"Sam go upstairs so my and Eugene can be alone."

"Fine!" I walk upstairs with Carly and Freddie and sit in the hallway above my kitchen, where Eugene and my mom will be.

"Wow. Is that all? We didn't even get to talk to the guy and learn about him." Freddie says.

"You make it sound like he's your science project. And don't worry; you'll learn plenty about him." I pick up one of those baby speakers.

"What's that for?"

"Do you know how these are one way? Well, I put one hidden in the kitchen so we can here what they are saying."

"So we're spying on them?"

"When you put it that way it sounds so mean. We are only observing." I smirk. Carly notices. "What did you do Sam?"

"Nothing….."

"Sam?"

"Maybe there's a teensy weensy bit of fast acting laxative in the meat, but I'm not _completely_ sure."

"Sam! I thought we were going to wait to do this!"

"Yeah, well waiting really isn't my thing. Freddie, go lock yourself in my bathroom and whatever happens DO NOT open the door."

"Why?"

"Just do it!" Freddie locks himself in my only bathroom down the hall. Carly and I are alone now. We listen to the speaker and here them talking.

"So does Sam have a curfew?" asks Eugene.

"Nah, Sam wouldn't listen anyway."

I turn to Carly, "She's right you know." We continue to listen.

"Well, my daughter has a curfew of 11:00, and if she ever broke it she'd be grounded for eternity!"

"Oh, you have a daughter?"

"Yes. Kathleen is very responsible. She wanted to go out on a date tonight but I forced her to stay home. The guy she wanted to go out with isn't the smartest guy around, or so I've heard."

"Who's the guy?"

"His name is, oh, what is his name? Sherman? Maybe, Seth," he scratches his cleanly shaven chin, "Ah! His name's Spencer! Spencer Shay!"

Carly and I stare at each other with worried expressions.

"Yes, she wanted to go t Spencer's house tonight after her shift at the pet store but I said no because she can't be out that late. And if she was," he wags his finger," she'd never see daylight again." Carly whips out her cell phone and dials her number. Meanwhile I lift up the rug in the carpet to reveal the peephole I made in the floor and watch Eugene as he takes a bite of his meat filled taco. "_It won't be long now!"_ I think to myself. I stare down the peephole. Eugene grabs his stomach.

"Uh, would you excuse me a moment? I have to use the bathroom? Where is it?"

"It's upstairs, first door on your right," says my mom, obviously annoyed.

"Carly! Hide in my room!" I run over to the bathroom door.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah?"

"When he knocks on the door say you'll be a while, you had seafood for lunch or something! Just don't open the door!"

"Okay." says Freddie, annoyed like my mom. I bolt into my room where Carly is sitting on my bed holding her cell phone up, searching for a signal.

"I can't get through! Does your building have signal anywhere?"

"No, but don't worry, Eugene won't be home for a while and we can go back to your place and warn them! But for now…. Look out the door towards the bathroom door."

Carly and I poke our heads out the door so we can see Eugene hopping up and down outside the bathroom door.

"When will you be done? _Please_ hurry up!"

"I had some bad sushi for lunch today. Man! I think I'm going to be a while!"

"Hurry up!" Eugene starts hopping around in circles. Carly and I are cracking up now.

"I CAN'T HOLD IT!" screams Eugene as he stops hopping on my mom's favorite area rug, and craps his pants. The crap falls out of his pants and onto the area rug that my mom loves so much. He squirms uncomfortably because some is still in his pants.

I shut the door to my bedroom and Carly and I burst out laughing.

"Sam," Carly says between giggles.

"Yeah?"

"That was SO mean, but SO funny!" She cracks up some more.

After out laughing fit we peer out the door to see if he's still there. He is, but we watch him walk down the stairs with his legs separated waddling like he has a load of crap in his pants. And he probably does still.

"Let's go get Freddie, but watch where you step!" She giggles.

"Freddie! You can come out now!" The bathroom door opens and there's Freddie glaring at us.

"Watch where you step," says Carly with a hint of laughter in her voice. Freddie looks down.

"Ew! That's disgusting!" He steps over the poop on the ground.

"Yeah it is! And guess what?"

"What?"

"I've been listening to the baby speaker and, my mom broke up with Mr. Crap-In-His-Pants! Apparently she thought he was babyish and too strict with his daughter."

"Nice job, Sam," says Carly, "speaking of his daughter, let's go save her social life!"

"Let's go!"

We get outside and see that he is waiting by the bus uncomfortably. We decide we can't take the bus with him, because he'd ask us where we are going. Then we see the Segways. Those things that have to wheels and you stand on a platform in between them and push the handle forward? We asked some guys if we could borrow them for the night and we told them we'd leave them here attached to the bike rack tomorrow morning. Luckily, they agreed, and so we took off down the side walk of Seattle trying not to plow people over.

We reach Rushwell; Carly's building in record speed. We leave the Segways in the lobby in a corner where Lubert can't see them and we sprint upstairs to Carly's apartment. We bang on Carly's door as hard as we can.

Spencer opens the door, "What are you guys doing back? I thought I-" we rush past him, not listening, focused on the girl sitting on the couch.

"Are you Kathleen?" Carly asks.

"Uh, yeah, I am."

"Do you have a dad named Eugene?"

"Yeah, but how do you guys-"

"Well he's on his way home from his date and if your not there he'll ground you for eternity! We heard him say it!"

"Oh crap! I have to get home! And fast!" She says springing up off the couch.

"Why are you leaving?" asks Spencer as she grabs her coat.

"My curfew is at eleven and I'm not supposed to be out tonight! And my dad thinks you're a bit of a nut bar. He can be a pain," she kisses Spencer on the cheek, "and thanks to your little sister and her friends, I won't be grounded for life so we can plan another date. Come to the pet store at two o'clock tomorrow Spence!" She says as she shut the door behind her. "Wait!" Carly, Freddie and I all scream at the same time

She opens the door again and pokes her head in, "What?"

"Your dad is on the bus right now! It's not safe for you to take the bus!"

"Then how do I get home?"

"Come with me!" I say. "Freddie and Carly, stay here. Spencer come with me. We've got some awesome Segways out front to ride."

Kathleen smiles; apparently she's never been on a Segway before.

So I take Kathleen and Spencer riding on Segways and we only talked once.

"Sam, how did you know about Kathleen?" Spencer asks suspiciously.

"I was spying on my mom and her date, who just happens to be her dad."

"And let me guess, you did something bad to him which made your mom break up with him."

"Yeah, pretty much!"

"I don't even want to know!"

"No you don't!" So my mom is single, Kathleen still has a life and I'm stuck bringing home three Segways. What a day.


End file.
